


nothing is okay /j

by im_really_stressed



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Gen, angst angst angst, spoilers!! for the new ep!!, the new ep upset me! so i wrote this oops, tumblr is formatted better i promise, warnings in notes, zoo wee mama everyone's involved!
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-04
Updated: 2020-05-24
Packaged: 2021-03-01 21:41:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,525
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23993947
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/im_really_stressed/pseuds/im_really_stressed
Summary: Roman wakes up after the latest episode.There's yelling outside.Oh fuck.old summary:aftermath of the new ep. spoilers!!i just needed to resolve,, hhhclosure manclosure
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Deceit Sanders, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders & Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders & Deceit Sanders, Platonic DLAMPR
Comments: 17
Kudos: 87





	1. pt. 1?

**Author's Note:**

> warnings: angst! so much of it. angry virgil, yelling, self-deprecation (thanks ro) and the like, crying, remus and his remusy ways, if you need something tagged shoot me an ask!
> 
> WOW this got out of hand. im almost definitely continuing this oops!! also while this is not meant to be unsymp virgil AT ALL, it could potentially be perceived as such just because we don’t know his reasoning. if you want it tagged let me know!  
> there is. a cliffhanger. at the end,, but it is 100% optional and if you want to imagine a happy ending go for it!! ill write one too, i promise, but i need a break oops
> 
> tumblr: imreallystressed

“Right,” Roman had said, or something along those lines, and then he had sunk out. Left. Always too scared to own up to his mistakes, and always too arrogant to even admit he made them.

He had sunk out, ended up in his room, because it was the only place he could ever feel safe anymore, what with the looming threat of his brother, who only came with some fun and terrifyingly complicated emotions he always chose to ignore. He’d never related so much to Logan.

He was in his room, and then he was in his bed, the tears in his eyes and guilt cloying at his chest making every movement feel clipped, like the whole world was moving at three frames per second, jumping around instead of the steady stream of ideas his room usually provided. Yes, his room was safe. But he was so, _so_ alone.

He’d collapsed into his bed, wrenched his hands in the soft duvet until he swore he could feel the fabric tearing, and there he’d stayed for God-knows-how-long. He would guess somewhere around the three hour mark, at least since Patton knocked on his locked ( _always locked_ ) door and he’d given no answer. Then again, Roman always had a way of losing track of time, helplessly locked in place as the hours flew by.

It had been, in fact, three hours and twenty-eight minutes since Roman had done his sort of... controlled free-fall into the bed, and hadn’t moved. His face had a print on the side, likely from the sequined pillow that he had fallen onto by chance - he hadn’t noticed the uncomfortable prick of plastic shards until he got up, rubbing his face with sore hands. He had, in fact, torn the cover of his duvet, but it was nothing he couldn’t imagine away when he was feeling better, or even take a needle to.

His head still felt stuffed full of cotton, but the feeling of guilt worming its way around inside his chest, up his throat was all too sharp. His first course of action was to apologise.

After that, well.

He would burn that bridge when he got to it.

He made his way over to the attached bathroom, splashing some water on his face with sluggish movements, trying to cool off his burning eyes or clear away the redness on the right side of his face. The water helped, however little, and he felt marginally better, more clear-headed at the very least.

Of course, with his senses now unimpaired, he was able to hear the yelling.

At first, it just sounded like some general voice - vaguely Thomas, but could also just be a stock audio of a man shouting into a microphone. Just under that, though, when Roman blinked tightly and focused a little more, was a faint gravel, oh-so-familiar, one that matched neatly with a grinning face and easy banter - Virgil. Virgil was yelling.

Roman dried his face roughly, irritating his skin more, and zoned out completely as he waited in front of the mirror for the red blotches to fade. Virgil’s voice faded in and out, sometimes stopping entirely. Roman couldn’t tell if someone else was interrupting him or if he was just that out of it.

Finally, after what felt like an hour of choppy-but-definitely-not-pleased dialogue and the sound of waves and misplaced bits of the conversation from earlier washing over his head, myriad colours and shapes dancing across his vision, Roman glanced back up at the mirror.

He looked normal - or, well, the normal from the past few months. Before that, there might’ve been a little more colour in his cheeks, or light in his eyes. He smiled, just to test it, and found his smile both reassuring and wholeheartedly wretched. Pretty, yes, enough to fool anyone looking, including himself - but just that. Pretty. Nothing behind it, no real emotion.

Roman straightened his sash. He could work with pretty, right?

“Don’t _touch_ me!” shouted Virgil’s muffled voice, and Roman opened his door.

The first person he saw was Remus, lounging on the sofa cross-legged, his smile just as deranged as usual but his eyes pinched, like he was making a real effort to keep up his... peppy attitude. God, Roman could relate.

Then Patton and Logan, who both brightened upon seeing him, if you could call relief brightening. They were standing next to each other, but several feet apart - almost like they were ready to move, hold someone back. Patton wore a peacemaking smile that was obviously slipping off his face, his glasses sliding down his nose. Logan looked significantly more composed, his hands clasped behind his perfectly straight back ( _the only straight thing about him_ , Roman thought automatically) instead of hovering, like Patton’s. Like Remus, his mouth was set in a line normal for him, but his eyes were lidded slightly, not quite glaring but certainly not approving.

And then, of course, like the centerpiece in an odd stage, Virgil and De- Janus. Janus’ stance was defensive, pulled back with his hands raised by his sides. Virgil’s stance was none of that - he’d leant forward, hands thrown out beside him, gesturing wildly. Janus’ face was unreadable, eyes conveying some sort of sorrow, possibly, but mouth set in a classic smirk as he met Virgil’s eyes.

Virgil looked absolutely furious. 

Roman’d seen him angry, sure, plenty of times. A lot of the time directed at him. But he’d never seen Virgil truly upset. Like end-of-the-world, life is over, “I’m going to stab you to death with a kitchen knife” upset.

Roman stepped into the living room. Patton threw him a brief smile - a real one, not a “please don’t kill each other on the carpet” smile. Logan gave him a nod, and raised one eyebrow in a silent question, which Roman answered with a smile. His fake smile, but a smile nonetheless, and Logan didn’t seem to mind.

Virgil barely seemed to register that he was even there, continuing whatever point he had started. Roman heard a lot of words, angrily shouted, but none of them that he hadn’t already thought about.

Janus glanced over at him quickly, almost unwilling to look away from Virgil, and gave him a tiny smile, or just the ghost of one. Roman felt a tiny shred of guilt fall away from his chest.

Sudden movement caught his eye, and then Remus was next to him. His smile was gone, and instead of looking insane and slightly worried, he just looked like... well, like Roman.

Back in the beginning, right after the Split, both Roman and Remus were told, separately, that they tended to mirror each other. Completely subconsciously, one would copy the tiny mannerisms of the other. According to Logan, it was painfully obvious, especially when they stood next to each other.

Some far-off part of Roman’s brain wondered if he was doing that now.

“They’re fighting,” Remus said.

“To answer your question, I do have eyes,” Roman responded instantly, forcing down a panicked wave of nostalgia and memories of Thomas’ carpet on his face.

Remus didn’t laugh, but the side of his mouth did quirk up a little bit, and Roman felt like they were kids again, watching Logan and De- _Janus_ debate.

“Oh please, like you’d know anything about being honest with feelings-”

There went that happy thought.

“How long have they been like this?” Roman asked, in part to distract himself from how dry his mouth was all of a sudden.

Remus screwed up his face. “Ugh, time. Long enough for a horse to bleed out.”

Roman blinked at him.

“Like two or three hours. You know I suck at time. We both do.”

Roman had to suppress his flinch at that one, turning his gaze back to the two in the center of the room. “Two or three hours? And they’re still going like this?”

“Oh, you should’ve seen Virgil when he _first_ found out. Entertaining stuff,” Remus said, but it lacked his usual screech of laughter.

“Has anyone tried to interrupt?”

“Almost got decked.”

Roman sighed. “If I asked to talk to... Janus. Alone. Would Virgil kill me?”

“No. You’re the only one he hasn’t actively screamed at.”

“I was in my room this entire time, of course he hasn’t-”

“Or about,” Remus continued. Roman avoided his eyes, suddenly finding the ground very interesting. “In a negative way.”

Remus nudged his shoulder, and headed back for the sofa. Roman didn’t have time to shove away the feelings box that time - but he did have the foresight to hide his reaction to it.

“Janus!” he called, before he could talk himself out of it. Both Virgil and Janus paused, and suddenly Roman had four pairs of eyes on him - Remus was fiddling with some kind of string contraption that Roman really hoped wasn’t going in his room later. “Can I - can I talk to you? Alone?”

Janus looked back at Virgil and then to Roman again, his expression a closed door, and took a step towards him. Roman gestured to his room, and Janus made a beeline for it without hesitation. By the time Roman was closing the door, Patton had already clasped his hands on Virgil’s shoulders.

The last thing Roman saw before he shut the door was Virgil’s face, utterly heartbroken.

“If he asks you to pick a side, don’t,” Janus said the moment the handle clicked.

“Huh?” Roman responded, very eloquently. “Oh! Uh, sure?”

“It’s- he’s already mad at Patton. And that’s my fault.”

“It’s really not,” Roman responded instantly. Janus gave him an expectant look. “I assume he’s mad at Patton for... being your friend? Or something. And that’s fine, I don’t know what happened, but it’s not your fault, right? ‘Cause Patton made that choice and he seems to be sticking with it, and that’s his choice, not yours. So- yeah.”

Janus looked absolutely baffled, and Roman realized all in a rush that nothing he had just said made any sense, but Janus interrupted him before he could say anything.

“I- thank you, Roman. I appreciate it,” he said softly, and _wow_ , did he actually understand any of that?

“No problem,” Roman said, rushing on. “I wanted to apologise. I didn’t - I shouldn’t have made fun of your name. It was mean, and I was lashing out, and I’m really sorry, and it’s actually a really cool name and I didn’t know you were into mythology-”

“Roman.”

Roman shut his mouth so fast there was an audible click.

Janus looked slightly pained, glancing around the room awkwardly. His tongue was moving inside his mouth, but he wasn’t saying anything, like he was thinking of the right words. Roman toyed with his fingers nervously, waiting.

“Okay,” Janus said, and Roman’s head shot up. “I accept your apology, even if I think it was unnecessary.”

“I-” Roman began, but Janus held up a hand to cut him off.

“I apologise too. Comparing you to Remus was low blow, and it didn’t make much sense anyway. Neither of you are evil. You’re nuanced.”

“We weren’t,” Roman mumbled.

“You are,” Janus repeated, frowning. “Years of personal growth have that effect.”

Roman smiled faintly. “Thank you.”

“Just common courtesy-”

“Not for that. But that too, I guess.”

Janus met his eyes, and they shared some kind of look, before he looked at the door again, sighing.

“I guess I should get back to that.”

“I can ask him to calm down.”

“It won’t work, and he has a right to be upset,” Janus said, pointedly avoiding Roman’s silent question. “You should sit with Remus. Make it obvious you don’t want to be involved, and we part as neutral.”

Roman frowned a little bit - neutral certainly didn’t sound good - but nodded anyway.

Janus opened the door.

(stop reading here to avoid the AngstTM cliffhanger and come up with your own ending :7)

They stepped into the living room, eyeing Patton, Logan, and Remus, who all wore different shades of “distinctly guilty”.

The room was quiet.

Virgil was nowhere in sight.


	2. pt. 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warnings: uh angst? obviously. virgil is missing and it causes. Some Stress. roman has a Tough Time y’all. contains one (1) flashback. swearing!
> 
> okay so i severely underestimated this story, and instead of being a quick episode coda it’s now become a four part series. this is why you plan the thing be f or e you write the first part. also i am making up Complete And Utter Bullshit as to the imagination and how sides and the mindscape work. shh.
> 
> tumblr: imreallystressed

“I am so definitely burning this bridge,” Roman muttered under his breath, wishing desperately to just collapse back into his bed and wake up in the morning with everything fixed.

God, he was so tired.

“What - where is Virgil?” Janus asked, conveniently absolving Roman of the responsibility to speak. He wasn’t sure he’d be able to.

"He got upset?” Patton tried, shrugging in a way that made Roman’s stomach do a particularly lousy flip, or maybe an aborted cartwheel.

Janus simply raised an eyebrow, and Patton’s shoulders slumped. He glanced to Logan, pretty clearly asking for him to explain, but Logan’s face didn’t change a bit, and he kept his gaze pointedly focused ahead.

Roman looked over at Remus, trying to plead with just his eyes. Remus just shook his head minutely, flicking his eyes to Patton and then back to Roman.

“I - I asked him to forget everything. It was the wrong thing to say, and he was really mad about it, so he ran off.”

Janus let out a long breath, crossing the room to sit on the sofa and pressing both hands to his face. A tiny part of Roman wanted to give him a hug.

The rest of Roman promptly told that part to shut the fuck up, preferably yesterday.

Patton looked wrenched, curling in on himself just enough for an observant viewer to notice - and Roman was certainly observant.

~~That was new.~~

“Where-” Roman startled at the sound of his own voice. “Where do you think he went?”

“Oh, kiddo, I think it might be best to give him some time alone right now,” Patton responded instantly, which just made Roman think he wanted to avoid the whole situation entirely. Roman opened his mouth to agree, but Logan cut him off.

“Actually,” he said carefully. “I don’t believe that would be the best course of action.”

Patton ducked his head, and when he looked back up he had a very forced smile in place. “Why’s that, Lo?”

Logan gave Patton a bit of a pinched look, but continued anyway. “Virgil’s emotions are heightened to an exorbitant degree at the moment. While Virgil is a very cautious person on most days, anger is known to cloud his- anyone’s judgement. I would not put it past him to make a possibly rash decision.”

“I don’t think we could stop him,” Patton said, his smile all but completely diminished, and his voice so, so small.

“You’re right.”

Patton looked up sharply. “Then why-”

“We couldn’t stop him. However,” Logan said, looking over at Roman with a slightly apologetic expression. “I believe Roman might be able to.”

Roman began to stammer a retort.

“Logan’s right, Roman. He hates me, he’s probably not thrilled with Patton or Logan right now, and Remus...” Janus trailed off.

“I’d probably help him make the bad decision!” Remus chimed in.

“I said rash, not bad,” Logan said hurriedly. Roman restrained himself from reminding Logan that in their case, it was practically synonymous.

“Roman? Will you go?” Patton interrupted, giving Roman a sheepish look.

Roman opened and closed his mouth a couple times, finally finding a hold. “He’s probably mad at me, though. He looked really upset when we left.”

“You’re still the best bet,” Janus said. Roman made a petulant noise.

“What about you, Logan? I- he didn’t seem made at you, and I don’t think you’ve done anything, plus he trusts you way more than me-”

Logan, as if on cue, tore his eyes from Roman to stare at the wall, starting to drum a pattern on his arm where his hand rested.

“You missed a lot,” Patton said, very quietly, and Roman took a moment to kick himself mentally.

“Oh,” he said, not at all stupidly.

“So you’ll do it?” Patton said, which was _so_ not what Roman said, but everyone in the room was staring at him hopefully, and-

~~“I thought I was your hero?”  
~~

~~“You- you are!”~~

“I’ll do it.”

Patton practically flew across the room to hug him, which Roman returned with significantly less enthusiasm than normal.

~~What even was his normal anymore?~~

“So where is he?” Janus said sharply, clearly trying to get them back on track.

“We don’t really know, is the thing,” Patton said, still keeping a hold on Roman’s arm. “It’s- just up there, that’s where he went.”

“Hey Roman?” Remus asked, avoiding Roman’s eyes.

~~Why was everyone doing that?~~

“...yeah?” Roman replied nervously. Somehow, he felt like he really didn’t want to hear what Remus was about to say.

“Is the spring still in the Imagination?”

Roman froze.

_“Try yourself!” Remus had shouted gleefully. God, how old were they?_

_Too young, Roman decided._

_The spring, which was new, apparently. Only Roman could work it, for some reason. He had felt bad that Remus couldn’t use it._

_They couldn’t really tell if it showed someone’s fears, or thoughts, or secrets, but it was fun nonetheless._

_Roman had, in fact, made it show himself - if someone had asked him to explain how he turned it on, he would not have been able to tell them._

_He’d regretted it the moment the pictures started to swirl into view, all the sleepless nights trying to come up with ideas that someone would like, the feeling of burning, burning, burning all through him when no one would listen, somehow under too much and too little pressure all at once, all creative responsibility shunted onto his newly formed shoulders-_

_Roman chucked a small rock into the spring, and the images blurred away, torn up by the ripples._

_Neither of them said anything for a long moment._

_“At least they want you,” Remus said sharply, his voiced a little too choked for Roman to snap back.  
_

_They stayed silent for another minute, and then Remus stood abruptly and stormed out._

_As Roman sealed the entrance behind him, blinking rapidly, sure he would never want to go back again, he found himself slightly grateful that no one else could use it._

_“Roman?”  
_

“Roman, are you quite alright?”

Roman startled, shaking Patton’s hand off.

“Uh, yeah, Rem, I think it is.”

“...do you think-”

“Yeah, Rem, I do,” Roman said, a little louder than he’d intended to.

Logan exchanged a concerned glance with Patton. Janus glared at the carpet like it had personally offended him.

“We’d be able to find him,” Remus said, and Roman found himself wishing that Remus was spouting some disgusting fact or creepy innuendo instead.

“...yeah, Rem, we would.”

“Might I ask?” Logan said.

“No,” Remus snapped.

Patton looked between the two like they were about to start fighting in the middle of the living room, but Logan didn’t seem inclined to move.

“So-” Roman’s voice came out wobbly, and he took a breath to steady it.

~~They don’t care.~~

“The Imagination?” he finished, trying for a smile and failing miserably.

Remus blinked at him. “You want me there?”

“No, dipshit, I’m just gonna go to the creepiest part of the Imagination with the _sentient, all-knowing water_ alone and probably get kidnapped.”

“What’s this about water?” Patton asked, concern creeping into his voice, but Remus just snorted.

“Yeah, alright. Let’s go, then. Wonder if there’s anyone to kill along the way.”

Roman offered him a hand, which Remus took with unconcealed surprise.

“We’ll be back soon, guys,” Roman said, already pulling Remus toward the stairs, and trying his hardest not to think about how his brother had clubbed him over the head without hesitation just a few months ago.

“How long is soon?” Patton called.

“No fucking idea, padre!” Remus shouted back, and he threw open the door to the Imagination, dragging Roman inside with him. Roman closed the door behind him with a little more exasperation than was probably necessary, and they both turned to face the open world.

Roman’s heart seized in his chest. “Oh my god.”

“Holy fucking shit, Ro.”


	3. pt. 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warnings: angst angst angst, with the comfort being a slightly-more-cathartic-than-usual-bandaid. roman and remus both have what amount to identity crises. buildings falling apart? mention of puking. general creepy language (both in the remus way and like horror-esque). swearing!
> 
> oh boy. i’d say i’m sorry but i know exactly what i’m doing. my favorite part is literally just “whimsy-twinsy”, which should surprise no one!! also apologies for procrastinating this for so long!!!
> 
> tumblr: imreallystressed

Roman was fairly sure he was going to pass out. He probably could’ve communicated this to Remus, who was definitely talking to him, but he couldn’t actually _hear_ anything over the blood pounding in his head. 

He suddenly wished fervently that he hadn’t closed the door behind him. Or agreed to this. Or gotten out of bed at all.

“Roman, for fuck’s sake, are you even conscious?” Remus shouted, loudly enough to snap Roman out of his trance.

“Uh- yeah, yeah! What’s up?” Roman said. Remus raised an eyebrow, and he sighed. “I didn’t believe that one either.”

“What the fuck did you do? Honestly, if this was on purpose, I’m impressed, but judging by the fact that you just went catatonic as a dead rat I’m going to have to assume this was a mistake.”

“Can we just go?” Roman snapped, yanking his hand from Remus and forcing himself to face the landscape before him. His beautiful rolling hills, filled with secrets from his subconscious and little reminders of Thomas’ life were gone, replaced with a forest that ached of too many thunderstorms and loneliness. The trees were hunched over the path like they were ready to reach out and grab whichever unlucky traveler dared head through the woods.

Roman steadied himself, which basically meant firmly shoving his racing heart to the back of his mind and starting down the path. Remus followed, uncharacteristically silent.

The further they got in the suffocating atmosphere, the more off-balance Roman felt. The forest really did feel like it was pulling at them, vines unfurling in his face and weeds curling around his boots. Every ounce of the environment screamed unstable, it felt like some kind of apocalypse had once flattened it.

Roman wished Remus would just _say_ something, anything, but he clearly wasn’t in the mood, walking a few steps behind Roman and keeping his head down, glowering through his bangs.

He was fully aware his breathing was far too erratic for a stroll in the woods, and immediately felt a pang of guilt as he wondered if it was affecting Thomas. That train of thought lead him directly to Virgil, and then he had the fleeting thought that maybe it was Virgil’s panic affecting him.

He looked up and saw some kind of eyeless creature watching them through the branches, and there went that thought.

Roman danced through old daydreams in his head, trying to settle on something to think of other than the possibly perilous danger he was in, but after fifteen minutes of failing every idea he thought of, he gave up.

This was conveniently when they came to a crossroads and he was forced to pause. Remus stood beside him, the maybe-six-inches between them like a gaping chasm.

“Do you remember the way?” Roman asked quietly.

“I haven’t been since... yeah,” Remus trailed off, peering around the corner. “You’d know better.”

“You think I’ve been since then?”

Remus looked up at him with a hint of shock in his eyes, and Roman’s heart ached. “You haven’t?”

“What, you think I enjoy literally and empathetically lo-jacking my friends every day?” Roman asked. He’d intended for it to come out jokingly, but the tremble in his voice dashed that dream instantly. Remus gave him an incredulous look.

“You could know everyone’s deepest secrets.”

“I don’t want to know everyone’s deepest secrets!” Roman said, equal parts upset and offended that Remus would think he’d spy on them like that.

Remus turned away, looking down the path to their right, clearly uncomfortable. “Well, then I guess we just have to try each one, right?”

“What if the path doesn’t even lead to the fountain?” Roman blurted, before he could stop himself. “What if this is all some wild goose chase?”

“Geese are pretty fun!”

Roman smacked Remus gently on the shoulder. “I mean it.”

“I know. I’m trying not to think about it.”

“You of all people should know that that doesn’t work,” Roman said, trying for levity and falling somewhere between ‘miserable’ and ‘actually offensive’.

Remus frowned at him. “You sound like Logan.”

Roman blinked. “Oh my god, I do. What’s happening to me? Is this the mom instinct?”

Remus began cackling, and Roman started giggling a little deliriously.

“And stop with the what ifs. That’s Virgil’s thing. The fact that you’re even saying that means we’re almost certainly on the right path. Now c’mon, we’re racing. Last one there has to suck a horse dick!”

“ _No-_ ”

Roman did actually beat Remus there, who seemed far too comfortable with his fate, and both turned to look at the scene before them.

Roman’s heart dropped a little further.

“That’s - well. At least that’s it, right?” Remus said, his voice pointedly cheery. Roman nodded woodenly, staring at the entrance. He could already feel his hands start to shake.

“That’s it.”

“You did a good job sealing it.”

“I guess.”

“Real fucking helpful now,” Remus said, and Roman snorted. Careless of the wild plants, many covered in menacing thorns, Remus stalked forward to the entrance and heaved one of the rocks to the side, creating an opening big enough for them to get through.

Remus didn’t hesitate a second to dive through, and his awed “woah” echoed back to Roman.

He picked his way across the plant life, and crawled through the hole, significantly less elegantly than he meant to, and stood beside his twin.

The inside of the spring was covered in plant life, and the air hung humid enough to make breathing just a touch more difficult than it needed to be. Remus was looking around like he was thrilled, but Roman felt a clawing sense of dread pooling in his chest.

Some kind of lizard scuttled across a nearby rock, and he shuddered.

“Okay, creepy water time?” Roman said, interrupting their reverie. Remus grinned brightly in his direction and turned to the pool in the center of the cave.

“Be my guest!”

“This is my side of the Imagination.”

“Okay, die then.”

Roman took a step forward, and instantly regretted it.

If he had had an orchestra playing a score for his life, now would have been the time for the violin sting.

The entire cave rumbled to life, vibrating around them. Pebbles began to cascade off the walls and ceiling, throwing clouds of dust as they rained a twisted hail upon the brothers.

Cracks started to web across the ceiling, larger plates of rock collapsing onto the ground, crushing plants and moss and ripping vines as they fell.

“Uh, Rem, I didn’t think you meant that literally-”

“See the thing is that I _didn’t_ , I’m not doing this, which is surprising because I’m me _\- move!”_

Remus dove, slamming Roman to the ground as a massive boulder careened into the spot where he was standing.

And just like that, the earthquake stopped.

Remus shoved himself off of Roman, but Roman caught his shoulder.

“You saved me?” he asked, eyes wide.

“Uh, yeah. The only person- er, rock- who gets to knock out my brother is _me_.”

Roman fairly beamed in his direction, and Remus shook his head.

“Less sentiment, more sentient! Water!” he griped, gesturing wildly in the direction of the pool.

“Right,” Roman said, and Remus found himself missing the bright smile.

Roman walked heavily over to the water, resigned, and plunged his right hand into the just-a-little-too-blue water, squinting against it and trying to brace for whatever he was about to see.

Turns out that was just water, because nothing happened.

Remus sat beside him, glancing between him and the water expectantly.

“Uh, no offense, but that doesn’t look like Virgil.”

“It’s not working.”

“I can tell. Are you doing something different, or...?”

“I never really knew what I was doing. Oh my god, this was just a waste of time. I was worried about not finding it but we _found_ it and it’s not even _going to work_ because I’m just a _fucking failure_ -”

“Roman,” Remus tried, a little taken aback.

“It doesn’t even _matter_ if I could make it work, even if I _can’t_ , because no matter where he is he won’t even _listen_ to me because no one _ever_ does, and they’re _right_ , they _shouldn’t_ , because everything I say is _useless or wrong or_ -”

“Roman!” Remus yelled, grabbing his brother’s shoulders and yanking his hand out of the water. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”

“I _told_ you! I fucking told you _everything_ , the one correct thing I’m ever going to say-”

“You’re _wrong,_ ” Remus interrupted, shaking Roman just a little bit. Roman froze, his glassy eyes staring back at Remus. “You’re _wrong_.”

“How do you know?”

“I just _do_ , Roman, you’re _wrong_ ,” Remus said, practically clinging at this point. “You’re the good twin. You’re not useless, you’re not wrong. I mean it, Ro.”

Roman blinked at him. “What do you mean by good twin?”

Remus jerked away suddenly, clasping his hands in his lap. “I mean- well- all that stuff you said. It’s - that stuff doesn’t apply to you. Because you’re the good twin.”

“You’re saying it applies to you.”

Remus stared into the water.

“Remus.”

“Roman.”

“It’s not a big deal. I get it, hell, I’m proud of it. I’m evil.”

“But you’re not,” Roman insisted, trying to make Remus look at him.

“But I _am_ , Roman! That’s my whole thing! People shouldn’t listen to me because it’s my _job_ to not be listened to!” Remus retorted.

“That doesn’t mean you’re _evil_!”

“Well that doesn’t work, does it? Two twins, good creativity, bad creativity. White and black. Good and _evil_ , Roman.”

“But-”

“We split for a goddamn reason. Now would you just make the fucking water work?”

Remus finally turned, and wished he hadn’t. Roman was sitting with his knees pulled to his chest. His voice hadn’t shown it, but there were tears streaming down his face.

“Roman-”

“Fine.”

Roman plunged both hands into the water, and in the ripples Remus could almost see it, so close to their goal - but there was nothing there. It was just water.

Roman pulled his hands from the spring, set his head on the rim, and sobbed.

“We’ll- it’s fine. We’ll find Virgil the old fashioned way.”

“If he doesn’t want us to find him, we won’t,” Roman said miserably, and Remus took a moment to be extremely offended that he was right.

Remus sighed. “Look at us. Two idiots who don’t even know how to do their own jobs.”

Roman’s head shot up, and he whirled to face Remus.

“Say that again,” he said, and his voice bordered on manic but he was starting to smile, so Remus repeated himself.

“Two idiots who don’t even know how to do their own jobs?”

“That’s it, oh my god, Rem, you’re a genius, why don’t I listen to you more often-”

“Slow down, whimsy-twinsy! What’s this genius idea I apparently came up with?”

“It’s just like Janus said-”

“Wait, what?”

“-we’re nuanced _now_ , but we weren’t back then. So the spring is powered by quote-unquote ‘good’ creativity, but since we’re not black and white anymore, we _need_ both of us to power it.”

“You lost me at nuanced.”

“Rem. Come on!” Roman begged, holding out his hand.

“ _You’re_ nuanced, _I’m_ not, it’s not gonna work.”

“I’m going to pretend you didn’t just say that and can’t we at least _try_?”

Remus was about three seconds from either standing up and running or straight up puking at the obvious emotional display happening, but Roman looked genuinely pleading and well, Remus wasn’t going to examine his motivations any further than that.

“Fine,” he said, taking Roman’s hand and pretending he didn’t blanch at the answering smile he got.

Roman tugged their hands into the spring.

“Okay, now do I imagine plum fairies and sweet little birds?”

“No, dumbass, you think of _Virgil_.”

“Oh. Right.”

Remus wrinkled his nose and tried his best to think of positive memories of Virgil, which worked up until a certain age, but Remus had a _very_ good memory, so it wasn’t a problem staying before then.

Achingly slowly, colour began to spread from their hands, and the pool reflected an image of Virgil, pacing back and forth somewhere Remus didn’t recognize.

“Uh, where is that?” Remus asked, glancing at Roman.

“I... don’t know.”

“Can we like, pan around?”

“I don’t know if it works like that,” Roman said, but it apparently wasn’t necessary, because Virgil chose that moment to walk in the opposite direction.

Their view shifted, and Remus felt his heart sink.

“He’s in the otherscape.”

“What?”

“The dark side, basically. Like your mindscape but... y’know. Ours. Er, mine.”

“Huh?” Roman said, puzzled. “Why would Virgil go there?”

“I’m more interested in the _how_. You light sides can’t rise up into it, and the door disappeared after Virgil left.”

“Wait, what?”

“I’ll explain more on the way back. We’ve gotta get the others, because I am not breaking into my own house without everyone there.”

“You’d break into your own house any day. You just like breaking into places.”

“Yeah, well. Usually I do it for more fun reasons.”

Roman sighed, squeezing Remus’ hand, and they both took off running.

Behind them, the pool began to drain.


End file.
